Have you ever hated yourself for something you knew you had to do?

As I sit here tonight I know one thing is for sure, I hate myself more than anyone else in the world tonight. Why you might ask do I hate myself with such passion. It's because I have the ability to take a person's heart and destroy it. You know there are some guys out there that can hurt girls without flinching so I wonder was I born without this gene, where is it because I sure could use it now. Maybe it is what numbs us to the pain we inflict to others instead of the beer I am drinking right now. I once said that life is full of pain and pleasure, it is these emotions and feelings that make life worth living, right now I think they are the worse things that god ever created. Why do I get the power to hurt another? What gives me the right? The sad thing about the situation is that I know I will hate myself far more than she will hate me. I know some might say I'm being a little over dramatic but when times like these happen I wish I was a Stoic and didn't believe in emotions because in the end all this has proved to me is how weak I truthfully am.